Great letters Debbie

Wow................ this is what everyone has done that is gone.......... you just happen to be able to fess up to it. Running from loves obligation, not caring about God's will, thinking we can escape. The Lord showed me if I didn't deal with my own heart, I would be a Judizer.......... and when you don't deal with your own problems ALL YOU CAN DO, is blame others. We are either FOR the right cause OR AGAINST it! We either examine ourselves, and see if we are in the REAL FAITH and love spirit, or slay our brother Able. I was tempted also........... I knew I couldn't live with myself if I did it, I would do what Judas did to himself. I knew too much, to not face my own fears and my own unbeleif. Do you mind if I share these 2 letters you sent????? Love, Ceci





Subject: RE: just read this one, and delete others...... FW: Thanks for your thoughts Linda....RE: Are you bearing a grudge against your OWN HUSBAND?
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 2009 05:22:38 +0000

Hi Ceci, The letter starts out with.. Thou shalt not bear a grudge against the children of my people. That is why I would go to Joe with my complaints in the first place. I was already holding a grudge against someone. I didn't have enough love to go to that person, so I went to Joe to complain. This happened about twice before he caught on to what I was doing. It came back to bite me in the butt also.
Joe, not being one to sit on things would try and take care of the problem, assuming that I had already talked to the person. When he found out that I hadn't he then came back to me. So, I stopped doing that, and handled things my own loveless way. I stopped talking to anyone and just held on to my opinions about people. It is very shameful, but that is what I did.
So, Satan always had a "door" into my thoughts because of these offenses. The end of the story is this...I started believing that I was the victim and the lies that I heard from Satan became my truths, and, well, we all know the rest of the story. It seemed easier to be offended than face my fears and talk to someone. Boy, was that a lie!! it was not easier. It was hell on earth. Love, Debbie


Hi Gene, THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! I just watched the TBN video with my grandma. It may be the only thing that she will ever watch of Jesus. She has wanted nothing to do with anything that I have tried to give her. But, she watched this and payed attention. She always works a puzzle book while watching anything on TV. But, she actually stopped working her book and paid attention. You don't know what a miracle that is!!!
So, I just wanted to send you a thank you and this little song that came to my mind as I was watching the TBN video. The simplicity and sincerity (and sanity) that you showed forth in the video is SO moving. I pray something in it will stick with Grandma. As for me, I have been crying since I watched it. Oh, that I might have such a heart as you. Thank you again, and my love to you. Debbie

You talked to me so many times about integrity. When I think back to how I lived with Joe and who I let myself become it turns my stomach. I feel really ashamed that Joe had to see me that way. The begging for attention through despair and self pity that I did is really shameful. Joe thought he was marrying a woman of integrity. But, I was a thief and I would take on any spirit to try and get what I needed from him. IT NEVER WORKED!!!
I remember Lincoln telling me once after he had grown up that when he would beg me for something until I gave in he never enjoyed the thing that he begged for after he go it because he knew that he got it through begging. That is how begging for attention feels. Even when I had Joes' attention I wasn't fulfilled because I knew that I was a beggar. I knew that I didn't have Joes' best because of being a beggar. It left me feeling even more lonely. We spent time together but we couldn't really enjoy each other because we were not of the same spirit. Oil and vinegar do not mix. They can be shaken up and come together, but it doesn't last, they sepearte again. They are not made of the same substance.
Yesterday when I talked to Joe on the phone I didn't hang up feeling like I had just sold myslef by begging. I kept my integrity. In fact, when I went to bed I was thinking about how I would have responded back when we were first dating. Had we talked on the phone for the first time in a long time back then I would be floating in the clouds. Yesterday, I was still grounded, even after a long conversation with him. I realized that the Lord had helped me to change some. I don't have to beg anymore. Because I have chosen to believe that my times are in His hands. It may not always be easy to stand back and let Him have His way. In fact, it has been very hard for me here. But, one thing I have learned to do is look to the Lord everyday. Somehow He has helped me through this tme. JESUS has!!! No man has been there to help me for the first time in my life!!
I have always been afraid to let the Lord have my life fully. But, I threw my life in the trash and I know that He can ressurect anything He wants to. I have learned that to have any kind of minnistry I have to be able to lay down my life and my constant schemeing and begging to get my needs met. I look over my life and I see a big selfish wasteland. Sad to say I can only count one year of my life that I was trying somewhat to look to the Lord and that was the year that I lived in your house, and for a short time after I married Joe. The rest of my life I have only cared about begging, lying and stealing to get what I want from men. That is one year out of 50. That is not a very good ratio.
I have come to realize that the reason that I was such a beggar was because I had never really thrown my life in the trash and looked to the Lord to build it. Well, my life ended up in the trash anyway by ME trying to build it. It would probably have been much easier to let it go in the first place. It was a slow, painful death doing it my way.
Gene told me one time not too long ago in Jackson Hole that I needed to get saved. What is salvation? But, to know Him and the power of His resurection. I have trusted in the power of my own hand and and its ability to resurect my life and I have done nothing but hurt people and shipwreck my own faith.
I was given a husband by God in the VERY SHORT time that I was trusting in Him and I single handedly destroyed my relationship with him through my own POWER of hopelessness, no vision, no unction to read the bible, no purpose. Just like the woman on the phone. But, I was making deals with the devil to try and resurect my life. Please ask her for me to stop now before she loses what she has. Linda warned me many times that I could lose what I had. Now I am warning her.
Her husband may still stay with her. But, what a miserable existence to live knowing that your husbands heart is far from you. The REALLY SCARY thing is that I became blind to the fact that my husbands responses to me were because of me. It was SO easy to excuse myself and to blame him. This gave me another reason to pity myself and satan saw to it that I found reasons to blame. It really doesn't take long to become blind. I could've turned things around sooner if only I would've had a desire for salvation, which is, again, to know Him and the power of His resurection. But, I had a desire for me and the furtherence of my kingdom. So, please tell her to get off that viscous ride now before it costs her more than she wants to pay. My love to you, Debbie

No, I do not mind if you share them. You want to know something crazy? Sometimes when I write stuff down I think that for sure it sounds dumb and will not be recieved very well. I get shocked when I get a WOW! back. This was one of those letters. Anyway, feel free to share them.
I am thanking God every day that I am able to take a look at these things. I am thanking HIm every day that it all still means something to me. I am thanking Him every day that I didn't come here and get lost in building a life. I thank Him every day that minnistry still meant something to me. I wasn't sure what I was going to find in my own heart when I got here. I wasn't sure myself if I was twice dead. The scripture rings true...,train a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Thanks for the training.
When I first got here Linda gave me the scripture in Deuteronomy about the Lord leading us through the wilderness to try us and to see what is in our hearts. I am SO thankful to find that there is love for Him in there. I was a little afraid of what I was going to find when I got here, but I knew that I had to take a look. So, every day I am thanking Him. I feel like I missed the boat to hell by the skin of my teeth. I have become thankful. What a miracle, huh?





Subject: thinking about familiars today............
Date: Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:03:08 -0700


There is a woman who has been coming to our meetings who last week interrupted several people with questions, and I'm sure she didn't intend to have an anti Christ spirit, that is truly what it is. A spirit that goes against the anointing.

I was talking to some of the girls about divining, and how it relates to pity. The woman who cried out when Paul was preaching, really drew attention to herself. That's what pity is. I'll bow down at your thrown and stroke you, so you need me, and I become the divine one in your life, and I expect you to pity me back and I'll make you the divine one. Rebellion, Control, witchcraft.............. putting a spell on others, diving. All the spirits at work in the sons of disobedience.

Then another woman on the phone called and talked about being hopeless, no vision, no unction to read the bible, no purpose. What came to me is she is giving voice to a diving spirit, that is dying to have it's way.

I told her we have to shut up the voice of Satan, that little girl voice, that comes to steal, kill and destroy. The devils all about stealing God's glory, getting us to look to the hill of man for our help, wanting others to put us on a pedestal. "My sheep hear My voice, the voice a stranger they won't follow." It's all a strange voice. And we can listen to God the still small voice of integrity, or the voice that comes to steal life, God's Glory and keep us demanding little babies. Our choice who we will give honor and glory to.


Love, Ceci