BITTERNESS AND ANGER

Hi Ceci! I went into the downward spiral again and this time the Lord gave
me some understanding about the wiles of the enemy. Jeanie and I
fellowshipped some and together got some good revelation. I'd like to get
some advice so I can make War! It is difficult for me to concentrate and
write because of the busy mommy, wife ,and home keeping things but I wanted
to write what I've gotten so far. I want to root of bitterness out! Never to
be planted again! I look forward to hearing from you and seeing you! Love,
......

A WISE WOMAN UNDERSTANDS HER WAY......

(AND DEPARTS FROM UNGODLY WAYS!)

Departing from the way of Bitterness which leads to destruction and misery.
Jesus came to redeem our lives from destruction, and He wants us to walk in
and to know His ways. Bitterness is a spirit that bears bad fruit and defiles
others. Hebrews 12:25 says: Looking diligently lest any man (or woman!) fail
the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and
thereby many be defiled......

Bitterness is "grievous sorrow of heart". It is grievous because this sorrow
bears only malice, self pity and hatred. It is not based on truth or fact,
and it refuses to be open to change. Godly sorrow brings repentance and true
change. Bitterness is sorrow due to self-love, godly sorrow is due to love
for God. Bitterness blames, accuses, seeks vengeance and justifies it's own
wickedness. Godly sorrow that comes through conviction takes responsibility
for it's own position and repents; changes it's ways to walk in God's ways!
This grievous sorrow of heart is fed by dissatisfaction and unthankfulness.
We think of ourselves more highly than we ought, then nothing is good enough
for us...we feel we deserve much more. What triggers this in me is looking at
how others are (not) loving me and comparing myself, my lot in life, my
possesions, with those around me. These are all lies. The word gall is used
with bitterness and I saw something interesting. Although gall means a
liquid, a bitter liquid secreted from the liver another definition means:
irritation, vexation, a spot worn bare, a weak spot.

In Romans 3:11 it says: There is none that understandeth, there is none that
seeketh after God. I realized that if we continue to pass over the little
things and don't get understanding , it will wear a sore spot where the seeds
for the root of bitterness can be planted in our heart. "Whose mouth is full
of cursing and bitterness: their feet are swift to shed blood (accusing,
being angry without cause), destruction and misery are in their
ways:"..........and "There is no fear of God before their eyes"! When I start
focusing on how my husband is not loving me the way I think I need to be
loved, I become angry (hatred, malice and accusation!) with him, without
cause! Matthew 5:22 says"... whosoever is angry with his brother without a
cause shall be in danger of the judgment...." Jer.4"18 "Thy way and thy
doings have procured these things unto thee; this is thy wickedness, because
it is bitter. Because it reacheth unto thine heart." When we are rebellious
and go our own way, we do become bitter. We open the door to bitterness,
destruction, and misery. Proverbs 23:27-29 says: For a whore {the enemy of
our soul} is a deep ditch; and a strange woman is a narrow pit. She also
lieth in wait, as for a prey {us!} and increaseth the transgressors among
men.{Heb.12:25 defiling others!} "who hath woe? {grievous sorrow of heart,
sorrow over self} Who hath sorrow? Who hath babbling? {How many times have I
babbled on to my husband my wounds and my sorrow...} Who hath wounds without
cause? { So much of what this bitterness feeds on offenses that never get
dealt with or I have never changed my mind about when the truth was reflected
to me.} Who hath redness of eyes? Prv. 23:31 "Look not thou upon the wine
when it is red, when it giveth his colour in the cup, when it moveth itself
aright.."{this is describing a seduction.. The seduction is "any thought of
self other than denying myself for love's sake."} Guard your heart with all
diligence for out of it flow the issues of life!


Dear ....., 9-15-00
Ceci forwarded your letter on bitterness. At least I'm assuming it is yours.
At first
I thought is was Ceci's writing. It was an encouragement to me, to see the
revelation
you are getting and also to help me keep judging my heart and not to faint.
The part
about comparing myself with others really hit me. I had been praying about
that
very thing the morning I received the letter. The comparing comes from the
newgarment I'm taking on to love and take on responsibility for souls. I feel
so
inadequate and get tempted to faint and then get tempted to take on self
strength
and say "I can do it'.

I start comparing myself to you all in Hawaii and thinking what would Ceci do
or
whoever. Relying on past experiences with those with more confidence in the
Lord than
I have had and trying to relive their wisdom and not trusting in the VOICE.
Then I
come to my senses and realize Jesus has what I need. Sometimes I jump to the
other
side of the fence and say OK I can handle this. It's finding the balance
between my
genuine need and my tendency to abdicate and faint in the face of the
responsibility
to love in the all the new relationships. This is truly a walk of faith I
had not
expected but it is definitely bringing me closer to Jesus because I NEED HIM.
I just reread your letter again and it helped me to judge some of my
thoughts
that
could easily become bitterness if I don't judge them in the battle to help
J......with
the enemy of her soul and my soul too. The spirit of Raca is a prevalent
spirit of my
fathers house. I too have gotten angry because I'm not being loved the way I
want to
be. I don't know if you read my letter concerning my position of anger
toward J.......
It scared me and helped me to see the lack of fear of the Lord I have. The
root of
bitterness that J..... refuses to judge is looking to defile me and others and
I am
seeing how easily I faint. I looked up faint and it uses the word coward. I
never
considered fainting to be the result of cowardice, (fear). There are times I
see the
enemy and pass out. Your letter is helping me not to faint,( be seduced by
thewhore). Thank you so much. I really need you all and your input. It
caused me to
think about Jesus's words that how we treat the least is how we really are in
our
hearts. To me the least is the one that I resist the most because of the
conflict
they bring to my soul. I am thankful for the kick in the pants to judge my
love and
see how much Jesus has done for me. Jesus has never fainted toward my life
and will
not give me more than I can handle but will always make a way for me to love.
Your
letter has also given me some wisdom to help give some help to a bitter woman
who
feels rejected by her kids and can only see how it affects her selfishly. It
helps me
get into perspective and ask the Lord how to help be a minster of
reconciliation.
Thanks again. Please pray for me and I will pray for you as we have the same
enemies.
I love you ....... Your sister ....