still small voice

Subject: still small voice


I met a man 21 years ago Gene Sullivan. He's 10 years older than I am, but he took my children and I out of the ashes of our lives, and
RE-FAMILIED us. You know the sick games most people learn to play in the homes of adults that deny the still small voice
inside of them. He wouldn't play my games. I grew up in a world of fear, indifference, self-pity, emotional abuse, and he
didn't play the games most people play. He was alive in his God conscience, unlike any of the men in my past. Including my
sex-addict, alcoholic, PRIEST Father, overcome by all his vices, though he spoke several languages fluently.

Over the years I have known Gene, he has re-familied many people........ gotten them out of the ruts that they were familiar.
Helped them stop playing all the games their parents played....... These men are few and far between. It's kind of getting
to live with Dr Phil for a year or two. Can you imagine how many peoples lives would change if they had that opportunity?
Well, this man has drastically changed the lives of many!

I think I need to write a book about how most people need to be RE-FAMILIED!

Here's a little I wrote about my past before I knew Gene Sullivan. It's a story about another man, Michael Davis.



THE CRAZY THINGS WOMEN DO..... I DID FOR LOVE!



For me, it was not listening TO THE STILL SMALL VOICE....... and I have learned a lot

about what women will close their eyes to in the name of love, or getting their needs met.

In my case, the cost was very high......... "the end of human life." Do I have regrets,

yes, wish I could take it back, just like John Coffee says in THE GREEN MILE!

But I can't, so I moved on, Knowing how much I needed to forgive myself, and know God's

forgiveness. I began realizing how the curse of indifference has affected many

women, and all I could do was "wake up" to the still small voice and go on a mission to save

lives.



I met a man a bit like Ted Bundy, as a matter of fact, years later he was referred to as The Ted

Bundy of Colorado. He was a mix between Ted and OJ Simpson. He was a outward beauty, successful,

but little did I know what was lurking inside. The sad part is "the still small voice of God" was trying to

talk to me all along, I had just shut God out of my conscience and ignored His still small voice all my life.



The first date I went on with Michael Davis, he took me to a drive inn. The movie was TAXI, about a

murderer and rapist. In my heart that night I felt like he had derived some sick pleasure out of the movie,

but I shut that right out of my conscience. After all Michael looked like a mix between Burt Reynolds and

Chris Christopherson. Surely a package on the outside looking that nice, couldn't have such ill intent on the inside.



Then there was the time I worked at a huge apt. complex, where a woman was nearly beat to death. The FBI

thought they had the crime solved, little did I know Michael could possibly have been the man who went to rape

one woman, and ended up with another who barely lived through the horror of her life. I was sick to my stomach over the whole

thing not knowing he had anything to do with it. At one point (thinking the investigation was solved), I heard

an agent mention hairy arms. I thought of Michael, I thought of telling them his name. But I leaned on my own

understanding, (lived from my head, not my heart). After all how could my attractive night in shining amour be involved

in such a heinous crime.



That's what came to haunt me years later. I had shut out the still small voice of God speaking to me, I didn't

have ears to hear. My desire and need overrode that small voice. I had to face my own crimes of the heart

years later, when I realized I had spent a lifetime shutting out that still small voice to make sure I got my needs

met. I have met many women who will sell their soul to a man with a vexed conscience to try and get the love they

think they need. Even if the cost is injury to others or their own children.



After I married Michael and had a child with him, he ended up confessing to 3 Priests his hidden life of murder and

rape. They shipped us off for all kinds of treatment for alcoholism. Thirty to Forty Priests and Pastors later, even a Bishop

was involved along with secular counselor's, the still small voice of God was telling me there was still something wrong.

What about the mothers, fathers, and family of the women he had murdered and raped? How could he move on without really

trying to make amends with those he had harmed? Why didn't he go talk to his brother who treats sexual offenders

and was a clinical psychologists for these kind of criminals? Yes, the still small voice of God was screaming at me,

but it took 3 more children, and God only knows how many people I talked to, to finally realize, this is man who was

not sorry for what he did. Nor did he rape due to drinking. Nor did he get the monkey of guilt off his shoulders, because

he needed to confess to those he had offended, not therapists. I did hear God's still small voice one day. That interrupting

thought. And the thought was this. "If I had raped and murdered women, and was TRULY SORRY, I would confess, and

face the music, pay whatever I had to pay, even if it meant with my life." He only confessed because I told him I wasn't

going to talk to him anymore unless he did. (I was the voice of his conscience all along, and he obeyed me, to get his

needs met.) He confessed to stay in control, and he is spending the rest of his natural life in prison.



My grandmother had closed her eyes to the abusers in her past, my mother likewise. I knew I had to wake up from the

sleep and curse of generations, so my daughters wouldn't do the same thing. Now I live to help women wake up to that

still small voice inside us all, trying to help us not sell our souls to get our needs met from men. Having integrity towards that

inner voice, not only led the murderer and rapist to finally confess, (he's spending the rest of his natural life in prison), but it

saved the lives of my four children. And I met a man who lives to help men wake up in their conscience to God's still small

voice, and the curse of many generations has finally been broken. He took those fatherless children and made them his own,

and LIVED A LIFE OF BEING AWAKE TO THE STILL SMALL VOICE. So sad every child doesn't have a father like that!



Me feeling forgiven meant facing my guilt towards not hearing that still small voice all along. I desperately needed God's forgiveness,

Michael took human life, when who knows what would have happened if I had just mentioned his name, months before I even married

him. I ignored God's still small voice with that too..... married him to get my needs met, to be loved, because I hated myself. And why

did I hate myself? I had a lack of integrity towards "hearing" and "doing" something about that still small voice inside of me ALL MY LIFE.

No man could fix that, stuffing myself with food couldn't either. I had to "do" something about the inner voice that had been crying out in

my heart, listen to the still small voice that had been trying to lead, guide and bless me, that I had shut out!



Waking up to listen to the still small voice of God has kept me from literal suicide, and suicide via, knife and fork. Now my life is spent

helping fat women lose weight, and deal with their own lack of integrity, due to overriding the still small voice of God!